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Buddha has shown up in temples, picture frames, rocks, and on mountains quite a lot in my travels around the Far East. His eyes are usually shut and he looks like he might be sleeping; he seems like a pretty chilled out dude to be honest.

I think it’s pretty clear that I’m not a Buddhist (nor am I much of anything really), though I do like a few of his ideas and have learnt a little about the guy.

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Siddhartha Gautama, the man whose ideas formed Buddhism, was born to an Indian royal family around 563BCE. The official story has him leaving the royal life behind at the age of 29 to seek enlightenment by becoming a beggar.

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Living off the alms of strangers, his travels took him all over India. He eventually sat under a Bodhi tree for several months contemplating life, the meaning and all that. This was where he is said to have attained enlightenment.

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Buddha is often confused with this jolly fat guy: The Laughing Buddha. You see; a Buddha is a person that has attained enlightenment. Siddhartha was the first person to do so.

This guy, confusingly named Budai, was a chinese Buddhist monk who wandered around China in the 900CEs eating, boozing, and generally cavorting about, before becoming an enlightened one himself: A Buddha (not the Buddha).

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For most in the west this symbol represents pure hatred. Who knows why Hitler decided to use it as a symbol for the Nazis or why white power groups continue to use it today, but we probably shouldn’t concern ourselves with what those ignorant wankers think. The Svastika is actually an ancient symbol used in many of the faiths and religions in the East. You’ll see it a lot in the Buddhist temples out this way.

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Buddhist temples in South Korea are fully decked out in colourful lanterns come Buddha’s Birthday (부처님오신날)

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The guy gets around! I’m not entirely sure who / what these guys are, but I stumbled upon them in Hakone, Japan.

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Looking slightly grumpy here.

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You’ll find rocks stacked up on one other like this all around temples and mountains in Korea. Add a rock and pray for the health / good fortune for someone near and dear to you.

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Happy Birthday Buddha!

All photos by Ben Cowles

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Yasukuni Shrine, located in the centre of Tokyo is undeniably beautiful and rather serene, at least from the outside. Why then, does this place of quiet worship enrage so many in northeast Asia whenever Japanese dignitaries visit the shrine? What is it about Yasukuni that causes South Korea to cancel its foreign minister’s trip to Japan and China to whip yet more shit up about uninhabited rocks in the sea?

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Well, that’s probably down to the alternative history lesson inside the shrine’s museum, and the fact that around a thousand souls (of roughly 2 million in total) enshrined within Yasukuni were executed as war criminals.

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Obviously, the shrine wasn’t originally built as a graveyard for war criminals. It was actually constructed in 1869 to honour those who died during the complicated series of uprisings and civil bloodshed known to history as the Boshin War (thankfully, Hollywood simplified the whole rotten affair in Tom Cruise’s seminal film, The Last Samurai). Ever since then Yasukuni Shrine has been used – in its own words – “to commemorate those who dedicated their precious lives to their mother country.”

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I have to admit; before scooting off to Tokyo last week, I thought the controversy boiled down to nothing more than northeast Asia’s lingering animosity towards Japan, and the region’s general xenophobia. I assumed I’d go there and type a piece on how revering war criminals is, of course, bang out of order, yet most national heroes are complete arseholes drenched in the blood of innocents.

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As I expected, the grounds at Yasukuni were peacefully theatrical. The huge iron gates that lead up to the shrine are particularly impressive. I overheard a Korean camera crew filming the shrine and wondered how impartial that report was likely to be. People were praying silently and my blissful ignorance left me quite at ease. It was when I walked into the museum however that I began to see where the controversy surrounding Yasukuni stems from.

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The museum is wildly patriotic. It starts off by displaying all the awesome samurai gear you’d expect, but then leaps to the late 19th / early 20th century describing the start of Japan’s overseas Empire. One display shows the western superpowers encircling Japan implying that empire was forced upon it, which to be honest, is pretty much true. However all the descriptions of what lead up to the East Asia War (as WW2 in called in Japan), the annexation of Korea, the creation of Manchuria, the seizing of Hong Kong & Singapore, the bombing of Pearl Harbour etc. are all incredibly vague. Of course, not a word is mentioned of the calamity at Nanking. The most delusional display in the whole museum was a map of Asia that had on it the dates, flags and portraits of all the independence leaders in the region. Under the map was this quote:

“In the early stages of the East Asia War, Japan’s victories inspired the rest of Asia to gain independence from the western superpowers.”

I wondered what people from Korea, Manchuria, China, the Philippines, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, India, Thailand, Vietnam, Indonesia etc. would think of that statement? Had they not tried to overthrow their oppressors before? Or could they only do that once Japan had showed them how? What about the Boxer rebellion, the annexation of Korea or the puppet state of Manchukuo?

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After taking a good long gander at a kamikaze plane, imagining the horrors of the pilot and its target, I had to get out of there, and back to the Tokyo I know and love.

Writer Post Script - 

I feel bad for singling out Yasukuni Shrine here. I hope its clear that not everyone in Japan loves the place. I also hope that this article does not seem like an attack on Japan, its people, or even its history in any way. I hope that readers, especially in China or Korea, do not see this as ammunition for their own nationalism. I love China, Korea and Japan equally. Yet I can’t stand the animosity they show towards each other sometimes. It’s sad, but I have been to equally deluded and nationalistic places in both Korea and China. 

I should also say that most people in northeast Asia are not, of course, xenophobic. The majority of people I meet here have put the past behind them and love everybody! 

And oh yeah, my own country (England) is just as shitty and hate filled too at times. 

I tend to agree with these guys on patriotism: 

Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons 
Bertrand Russell 

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it 
George Bernard Shaw 

If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country 
E.M Forster

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Editor’s NoteA version of this interview originally appeared in Jon Twitch’s zine - Broke in Korea.  Jon has graciously allowed Asia Pundits to reprint this interview in the hope that readers in Korea and abroad can inform themselves about the various cults that are active and originate in South Korea. Armed with this information, hopefully our loyal readers will be able to make informed decisions regarding Korean cults and their many activities, as well as understand how to interact with friends or family members who have joined such organizations.

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Mannam/Shinchonji World Peace Festival

Background on Peter Daley -

Originally from Australia, Peter first moved to Korea at the end 2002 after two-year stints in Japan and the UK, and he has  just moved to Seoul earlier this year after eight years in Daegu. Six months after moving to Korea Peter realized quite suddenly that his roommate, several staff members at his English academy, and most of his adult students were followers of fugitive Jung Myeong-seok who was at the time (he has since been arrested and sentenced) wanted for rape by INTERPOL and Korean authorities. A former Moonie, he had established a cult, known as JMS, that concerns itself with nothing but rape.

At the time there was very little English information available despite the existence of branches in the US, Canada, the UK, Australia (including Peter’s hometown of Canberra), and New Zealand. As an outsider living so close to the base of the cult, Peter was perfectly placed to gather information in order to help rectify the lack of English material. That need was made clearer to him when just a few weeks after first learning about JMS, it held an event at the University of British Columbia. Peter’s interest in JMS soon led to the realization that there are many similar groups operating in Korea, and over the years his fascination and disgust has only grown stronger.

Peter started a site that grew into www.jmscult.com. The largest part of his site, www.jmscult.com/forum, contains source materials, testimonies (from both sides), articles, videos, photos, and copies of posts from password protected forums for senior JMS members. Peter also operates the YouTube channel - http://www.youtube.com/user/JMSCult. In the 10 years since starting his site, he has been threatened at work, manhandled, followed by Mannam “security guards”, and his email was hacked by an American member of yet another Korean cult. With the recent emergence of the Mannam/Shinchonji cult and its obsession with foreigners here in Korea, Peter doubts that the fun times are anywhere near from being over.

Broke: What was your first experience in Korea with a, uh, fringe religion?

Peter: Within a couple of weeks of arriving in Korea, a couple of nice young ladies invited me to lunch. Joining us for that lunch were four of their Jehovah Witness friends (three of them males) and their Bibles. I left before lunch.

Broke: How did you first encounter JMS, and what got you to pay attention? 

Peter: My first year in Korea (2003) was spent in Geumsan, a small town south of Daejon. Upon arrival my roommate and fellow teacher joined a local church that held services outside town at a secluded mountain retreat called Wolmyeong Dong. A few months later I found myself at that retreat after a friend invited me hiking. I was asked several times if I studied the Bible and each time my negative answer was met with surprise. “Then why are you here?” “She invited me hiking.” There was no hiking.

Most of the 2,000 in attendance were female university students. That was nice, but their Beatlemania-like reaction to a photo of Jeong Myeong-seok, their absent leader, shown on a giant screen at 2 am was quite disturbing. I discovered later he was hiding in Asia wanted for rape by INTERPOL and Korean authorities.

What really got me interested was the fact that there was almost no English information about JMS at the time despite branches worldwide, an upcoming event at the University of British Columbia, and a fugitive leader. And there was my roommate who quite the cult around the same time. Her former cultist friends followed her around town, waited for her at regulat haunts, and told her God would kill someone in her family for her betrayal. She almost had a nervous breakdown and spent many nights in her room crying. I gained a lot of motivation from witnessing that and began the site which grew into jmscult.com.

Broke: For our more lascivious readers, can you explain why I call their leader the “Rape Messiah?”

Profiles of members sent to reverend Jung Myeong-seok

Profiles of members sent to reverend Jung Myeong-seok

Peter: I prefer “Heaven’s Rapist” myself. Early criticisms of Rev. Moon’s Unification church involved allegations of sexual assaults directed at young female members during purification rituals. Adam and Eve were apparently real people who were kicked out of paradise because they had sex. The only way a woman can cure herself of that original sin and guarantee a ticket to heaven is to have sex with the Messiah. Jeong, a former Moonie, began his own cult in the 1970s centered around such purification rituals. They don’t make those teachings public of course, but the signs are all there, not the least is the fact the leader is now in jail for rape. And while the allegations against Jung mirrored allegations made against Moon decades earlier, Jung’s cult is really quite unique. Every aspect of it served to help him rape young women and then intimidate them into silence. His organization was essentially a raping machine.

Broke: I seem to recall you said that Jung Myung-suk was holed up in your town. Can you explain that situation, how you knew, and the events leading up to his arrest? 

Peter: Sorry, I think you’re remembering that wrong. I lived in his hometown in 2003, but he had left Korea several years earlier. He was eventually arrested in China in 2007, eight years after fleeing Korea. During those years he spent time in Hong Kong, Taiwain, and China with early short stays in Europe and America. He was arrested in Hong Kong in 2003 for illegal entry after members of the Korean anti-JMS NGO Exodus tracked him down. He was granted bail and subsequently disappeared. Japanese media reported a sighting of Jeong in Costa Rica in early 2007, and there is footage of police with machine guns searching for him. Several months later he was arrested in China. He was deported back to Korea where he was found guilty of raping several members and given a rather measly ten-year sentence.

Broke: What was the impact on the cult, with their Rape Messiah in jail? 

Peter: An American member told me at the time that they were all in shock. They really believed he would be cleared despite eight years on the run and rape allegations from every Asian country he spent time in. But that shock was short-lived as the leadership soon put its spin on events: the trial was rigged, the judges and media biased, the victims later recanted their testimonies, and my favorite “Jesus was persecuted too”. The positive was that he could no rape young women. Aside from that the cult carried on as normal. They were used to an absent Messiah.

Broke: How important was your role in all of this? 

Peter: I had nothing to do with his arrest, but my site was mentioned in a few news reports. Turkish reports carried several photos from my site which was a nice surprise. My site has certainly helped people leave and stopped others from becoming further involved.

Broke: The first I heard of your activities was when you posted on Expat Korea about busloads of cultists coming to your work. What was all that about? 

Peter: That was a Jungshim, a doomsday cult based near Hongchun, Kangwando. In 1999 its two founders, Mo Haeng-ryong and his wife Park Gwi-dal along with 44 senior members were arrested for defrauding its members. The couples were found guilty and sentenced to ten years jail. According to the BBC the fraud amounted to $90 million. That’s a lot.

In 2008 the England’s Telegraph newspaper began investigating Ki Health (now called Innersound), Jungshim’s London branch. After Ki Health was informed of the upcoming article for their response, they attempted to remove critical material from the Internet, most of which was on my site. A female member pretending to be one of my students with a scheduling problem called to schedule a meeting. She arrived with seven elderly Korean men wearing expensive suits. I braced myself for a very serious scheduling conflict.

My visitors identified themselves as representatives of Jungshim and hand delivered a letter from Ki Health which denied any relationship to Jungshim and threatened to sue me for suggesting they were. My guests repeated the legal threats and denied any association with Ki Health. They ordered me to remove material from my site immediately and if I refused busloads of Jungshim members were at that very moment on their way to my place of work, Keimyung University, to protest. They promised to call off the buses if I surrendered then and there. I secretly hoped the buses would arrive, but they never did. They also threatened to sue me and to get me fired. A slight physical altercation followed. After talking to my boss, who was very concerned for my safety, I removed the material from my site. There’s a very informative thread on Rick Ross’s cult awareness site if you want to read the material I removed from my site.

Broke: More recently, you turned your attention toward Mannam and Shinchonji Church of Jesus (SCJ). How did that get started? 

Peter: I was contacted by a Mannam recruiter through my job as International Relations Coordinator at Keimyung in October 2011. We met for lunch and I was asked to help them devise ways to bring foreigners to their wonderful events. The brochure she gave raised a few alarm bells as did her requests. I asked her if Mannam was related to any kind of church, she responded with a very clear no. I didn’t quite believe her, but apart from a few cursory Google searches which didn’t yield much I left it at that. She later told me she joined Mannam fully aware that SCJ leader Man Hee Lee was its leader. I guess she didn’t think that constituted a connection to a church.

July 2012 Mr. Paper Tiger on the Expat Korea site made the connection between Mannam and the SCJ cult. A week earlier I had read reports of Man Hee Lee’s “I’m the Messiah and We’re Already in the Afterlife” American tour, but I didn’t connect him with Mannam. By then Mannamers were everywhere inviting foreigners (and only foreigners) to free picnics, free Korean lessons, free discos, and free everything else. Had we won some cosmic lottery, or were these free events serving the cause of the parent cult?

I came across a Korean news report about Mannam’s connection to SCJ and I asked Nathan Schwartzman, who formerly worked for asiancorrespondent.com, to translate it. His translation was read quite widely and it encouraged others to do further research. Zachery Downey in particular did some great work and Michael Aronson (the Seoul Subway Song guy) brought it the attention of his fans. Word spread and Mannam went into a justified panic. I should point out that Kyla Polanski and Ahrum Lee, an English Education major, found the connection earlier and wrote about their experiences on the Three Wise Monkeys site and on www.englishforums.com.

mannam-cartoonBroke: How many Mannam events have you attended?

Peter: Four. The first on August 17, 2012 consisted of a free bus to Gumi where free food was served and free badges distributed for the benefit of the many Mannam cameras present. I didn’t realize it at the time, but all the Koreans present where Mannam/SCJ members. It was a manufactured event in an environment totally controlled by the cult. I left after about an hour, turned off by the Dokdo booth where little Korean children were encouraged to put little Korean flags on little models of Dokdo. I thought I had escaped, but on the way to the station a Korean male pulled up in a car beside me. “Would you like to go to a cool party for foreigners?”

I attended three events the first weekend in September. A “Fun Fun Fun 70s/80s Disco” at Yeouidou whose sole purpose was to distribute more tickets to the upcoming Sept. 16 event. Security guards with secret-service like ear pieces were present to ensure Koreans not involved with SCJ/Mannam could not gain entry. The next event was a 10-kilometer run for charity co-hosted by the Seoul Flyers Running Club and Mannam International Running Club, a club populated by several SCJ members. The third event was a “Fun Fun Fun Festival” by Daegu Stadium. Only foreigners from non-English speaking countries were invited, a direct result of growing awareness amongst native English speakers that Mannam was a SCJ front. Again the focus was on getting people to the Sept. 16 event.

Broke: Why should people care that SCJ is pulling the strings? Why not accept all the free stuff and just pose for the pictures?

Peter: Well I’m all for free stuff, but cults don’t give away free stuff. Sure you may gain some few free meals, T-shirts, and some conditional friendships, but the cult wants something in return. Mannam wanted to fill Seoul Olympic Stadium for its leader’s giant birthday party and ensuing promotional videos. Such videos only serve to help SCJ further its cause, which is essentially the enrichment of its leader at the expense of its followers. That doesn’t bother everyone. I’ve come across expats who care only about the free Mannam soccer balls they get to kick around on weekends. Participation in Mannam aids SCJ’s indoctrination of members. As a demographic primarily here to teach the youth of Korea, the last thing we should be doing is aiding their indoctrination into a cult.

Broke: What has been your favorite moment/anecdote/statement that came out of this whole Mannam/SCJ affair? 

Peter: The sad-puppy-dog look on the faces of Mannam Running Club members when their request for the obligatory group photo was met with a loud collective no by members of the Seoul Flyers Running Club.

Broke: Your actions in concert with several others have certainly succeeded in disrupting Mannam’s activities. Is it too soon to call it a victory? (insert your light meets light pun here)

Peter: Well when you consider Scientology is still going strong and that Aum Shinrikyo still exists after gassing the Tokyo subways in 1995, I think a clear victory where we see the group disbanded is unrealistic. Hopefully we have succeeded in raising awareness that Mannam isn’t what it appears to be and awareness of SCJ and Man Hee Lee, the leader of both organizations. Someone leaving the group is a victory. Someone choosing not to take part in a Mannam event is a victory. Anytime information is made available a cult wants hidden is a victory.

Fun Fun Fun for Everyone.

Fun Fun Fun for Everyone.

Broke: You’ve been very open about your actual identity. Do you ever fear for your safety, privacy, or livelihood for your activities? 

Peter: Being threatened at my place of work sure came as a shock, but apart from that no. There’s a certain freedom that comes with using your real name – you don’t have to worry about covering your tracks, and it does force you to be more accountable for the material you put online. We’ve seen a few examples of intimidation from Shinchonji and Mannam recently and those just provide further motivation to share more information. I may regret that attitude one day, but until then c’est la vie.

Broke: What advice would you give to someone who’s being bothered by a cult? For instance, getting solicited in public, or having their door knocked on. 

Peter: I think those activities are more designed to keep members busy rather than to recruit. If you are bothered by them, learn the Korean word for cult (사이비 교회). They hate that. If there is one thing we should learn from the whole Mannam fiasco is that invitations to join cults are not always so obvious. Sophisticated cults will offer what people want. Another lesson is that direct recruitment may not be the goal. If a cult can get what it wants from you without indoctrinating you to believe their messiah is immortal, it will. I’m guessing most who attended Man Hee Lee’s birthday party in September via Mannam had never heard of hm. Yet they’re in his propaganda videos cheering as though they believe he is the immortal messiah he claims to be. General rule of thumb is to be suspicious of unsolicited offers from strangers.

Broke: What about for someone in your position, who’s for lack of a better word engaged in cult-busting? What works? What doesn’t? 

Peter: The more information the better. A significant amount of material from a variety of sources can be very effective in helping people leave cults and stopping others from further commitments.You never know what comment, photo, video, or even a joke will help flip that switch in a cult member’s head. I don’t seek online arguments with members, but they sometimes happen. While they might not help the person you’re arguing with, there’s always the possibility someone else will see it and see their group in a different light as a result.

Broke: How should you conduct yourself in the presence of cult members? Are there any rules you go by? 

Peter: If you’re trying to help someone leave a group, labeling their group cult is usually counter-productive. One guy in Germany spent two years in the cult with the goal of getting her out.. Helping someone leave can be very easy or almost impossible depending on their level of involvement and how valuable the member is the cult. If you’re trying to get some questions answered, it’s better to not be aggressive and just ask natural inquisitive questions. Members of some cults can be quite open about their beliefs and practices when asked nicely even though their group may hide such details.

Broke: Do you deal with a lot of people who are in cults or who have lost family members to cults? 

Peter: Yes, I’m in contact with several families at present who live in Western countries and have children under the influence of Korean cults. It’s heartbreaking because there are no easy answers. Imagine your daughter is convinced a serial rapist is the messiah and efforts to warn her result in her believing you are under the influence of Satan. There’s not much I can do except provide as much information and advice as possible, and connect them with others in the same position and with people who can help like specialist counselors. For many parents, it simply becomes a waiting game. The best they can do is not give the cult reason to turn their child against them, something I hear SCJ is particularly skilled at, and patiently wait for their child to realize they’ve been deceived. It can be a long and stressful wait.

Broke: I’ve heard it said that the word “cult” is used as a pejorative by more mainstream churches. What are your thoughts on that? 

Peter: Some churches do use the term to disparage other groups with different beliefs. The term “destructive cult” doesn’t concern a group’s beliefs, but their practices such as deceptive recruiting, psychological persuasion, exploitation of members, and an unaccountable leadership which claims to be the sole source of soul/life saving knowledge.
The “all religions are cults” argument shows complete ignorance of the subject. The difference between a benign church not led by a sociopath and a destructive cult is the difference between catching a cold and catching Ebola.

Broke: Presumably you’re not chasing after every little cult. What makes you decide to look into a cult? What makes you take action? 

Peter: Exposing lesser known groups is more worthwhile than adding to the information on well-known groups like Scientology and the Moonies. I’ve been hearing a lot about the Church of the Heavenly Ajumma lately (하나님의교회 세계복음선교협회). Her husband was another Korean messiah who died a very unmessiahly death: he choked on some Ddok. His wife took over messiah duties upon his death and called herself the Heavenly Mother. It’s nice to see a woman getting into the male-dominated field of Korean messiahshipping, but I’ve heard some disturbing stories about that group.

Broke: Are you actively looking for the next cult to lock horns with?

Peter: Absolutely.

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Tug of WarThose of you who read the first article I ever published on Asiapundits, ‘My Korean Family’, will know that I definitely do not fit the description of the perfect son in-law in a Korean family.  I don’t give gifts (except at birthdays, Chuseok, and Seollal), I will refuse an invitation to go and see them if I have made other plans, and generally I don’t automatically respect what they have to say, and do what they wish of me.  I think they must know all of this by now, but to their credit I think they are basically content in the fact that I treat their daughter well.  There are, however, still a few problems I have with the culture at large, which manifests itself in their expectations of me.

I’ll be honest, I tend to try and avoid the Korean in-laws if at all possible.  I will visit them as often as I need to and no more than that because it simply is not a comfortable atmosphere.  The problem is that I soon as I step foot in their house or meet them in a restaurant or any other place, I am to follow their instructions without argument.  This means they dictate what I do, how I should behave, where I go, for how long I stay, and even to some degree how I should feel about it all.  They are not nasty about it, they are the nicest people you could possibly meet, but their cultural expectations create something of a benign dictatorship in relations between us.  It is simply unthinkable for me to excuse myself and go home after a long day in their company, for example, or in fact to have any polite disagreement with them at all.  So a bit like a North Korean defector, I slink away under the fence to get away and avoid an argument or any conflict whatsoever.  My wife and I do this by lying, inventing little stories so that it is easier for me to get away.  It sounds terrible doesn’t it, but it is the only way, and I have commented before that in my experience many older Koreans would rather be transparently lied to than have their children or younger family members tell the truth in direct confrontation with them.  I think many underestimate just how much of a factor this kind of cultural thinking plays in the creation of an Orwellian state such as North Korea.  It sounds almost offensive for me to compare my in-laws to Kim Jong Un, but the cultural mindset is the same and along with it the attitude that your parents are owed your 100% compliance and are not to be ever disagreed with, which I am sure is not really the case, but the feeling is there nonetheless.

denialI see the lack of conflict within Korean families, the workplace, and in Korean society in general to be an aspect of the culture that is flawed and could do with some changing.  Honest discussion - and the intellectual and verbal conflict that arises from it - is how we all move forward because, after all, there is no light without heat.  No light (quite literally if you look at the satellite image of the country at night) has been created in North Korea because there is no healthy disagreement with how things are being done.  Everyone just does what they are told, nothing moves forward, and North Korea is famously stuck in the past because of it.

The fact of the importance of conflict is something that is also lost on an ever-increasingly overly-liberalised Western culture, where many think we just have to accept and respect everyone else’s point of view as equally valid, especially those of a different society, or shout ‘racist’ or ‘bigot’ as a conversation finisher at anyone with a controversial opinion about the behaviour of any group of people other than the particular one that we belong to.  There is also a rather odd attitude present within our own societies (and especially in mine) of bending over backwards to accommodate and understand other cultures, but at the same time – when we travel to other countries – we should always ‘do as the Romans do’ and do our best to conform to others.  With particular attention to Korea and native English teachers, I think part of their role is to give students and their co-workers a true experience of working with people of Western culture.  We would all help Koreans much more if we stuck to our principles and conformed less, because they could learn so much more from it.  But we don’t, we just tend to do what we are told most of the time or try and weasel out of difficult situations like I do with my in-laws.  We all do this in order not to offend, and perhaps also keep our jobs and not get into trouble, although I really believe we shouldn’t, and I readily admit that I find it extremely difficult myself.

Back to my in-laws, and I am often confounded by the reaction I receive when I talk ill of my in-laws by saying I dislike spending too much time with them.  I usually get a range of responses depending on who I’m talking to and how much someone knows about me.  If I am talking to a Western person (who is married or in a long-term relationship) who does not know I am married to a Korean, I am usually met with a reaction along the lines of this, ‘yeah, I know, the in-laws are a pain in the neck sometimes aren’t they.’  If I am talking to a Korean friend or acquaintance and complaining about my in-laws, I also – pretty much 100% of the time – get the same kind of sympathetic response and also complaints about their own in-laws in return.  This is no surprise really as many Koreans – especially women – really do bear a significant burden from their in-laws.  But also, when you think about it, is it really that much of a controversial thing to say that you don’t like spending time with your in-laws?  Is this a rare feeling in people generally around the world?  I think not.  However, you wouldn’t know this if you could hear the criticism I receive sometimes from Western liberal-minded people, who know I am married to a Korean woman.  If I complain about my in-laws then, it is common to receive a barrage of comments saying that I should have known what the culture was like and I need to adapt to it and accept it and that I am simply not trying hard enough.  That is not how it should work, I should compromise on some things because of politeness and custom, but I will not bow down to everything they say because I need to accept their culture.  When it comes to respecting someone to the degree that you cannot engage in honest debate and disagreement with them, no respect shall be given and I say this from a logical, reasonable, and moral stand-point, the difference in culture is irrelevant.

Conflict-ResolutionTo not be able to speak openly and honestly with someone without fear of reprisal and dire consequences is something that I cannot respect, accept, adapt to, or feel comfortable with.  This is the position I find I am forced into in relations with my in-laws.  The best I can do is tolerate it, I’m afraid.  I love my wife and I put myself through it all because of her, fortunately I do not have to meet her parents all that often and my attitude of trying not to feel guilty about having these feelings means that I can avoid meeting them more than is absolutely necessary.  The horrible thing about it all is that I actually like my in-laws, they are nice, caring, and kind people, it is simply this one aspect of their culture that makes dealings with them much more difficult than it should be.

In Korea, I am uncomfortable that the right to disagree, argue, and debate honestly seems to be taken away from many people.  It is not enshrined in law or indeed in principle, but it is in practice.  The frustrating thing is that to notice this and complain about it in writing or even to friends is often seen as something worthy of shame, stubbornness, laziness, and sometimes even bigotry and racism.  It appears that the West is engaging in restricting debate and freedom of speech as well.  We talk a good game, and freedom to express ourselves may even be written in our constitutions, but again in practice we still try to silence and smear others to end arguments and stop the controversy to avoid a conflict.  Disagreements in opinions and ideas leads to a better understanding of each other, a greater knowledge of your own subject and position, an ability to change and move forward, the acknowledgement of problems and their possible solutions, and – perhaps the most importantly of all – the avoidance of violent conflict or other disastrous consequences in the future.

With me personally, my relationship with my Korean in-laws will always be a difficult and somewhat of an awkward one, which teeters on a knife edge, perhaps prone to a fatal collapse one day.  It is all because we really don’t know each other, in over three years we have never talked openly and honestly about anything, every situation being mired in courtesy, custom, and fear of saying the wrong thing.  At best we tolerate each other, we don’t genuinely respect each other and this situation can be translated to many thorny situations around the world and especially within multi-cultural nations.

To hell with ‘tolerance’ and to hell with causing ‘offence’, I want to truly understand and respect people, not just pretend to.  This is an up-swelling of frustration that has afflicted me since living in South Korea, the feeling that every day I am too much of a coward to really get to know people and that I am valued as a person for holding back on my principles in this regard and cowering away from confrontation.  The fact is though, I should stop beating myself up because at this time the straitjacket would be applied everywhere, not just in Korea.  Most of us are cowards, we need to be and I will settle back into the routine after writing this article of being nice to and conforming to the wishes of others who I really have no respect for whatsoever because, out of a fear of offending them (and vice versa), I have never really known them and they have never really known me.  No wonder we cannot truly respect and understand one another.

 

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Korean Women Need to Stand as One for Social Change

by Christopher Smith April 24, 2013 Korea
PSY bikini snatch

Last week I criticised the image that Psy is projecting to Korea and the world, but his most recent video does include some buffoonery based on the unfair treatment of women in a patriarchal Confucian society (if you can fight your way through the vulgarity of it all).  I don’t think anyone will really notice and I don’t believe his work [...]

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Shangri-la County: A Tibet Away from Tibet

by Ben Cowles April 22, 2013 Asia Life
15

The neon madness of Tokyo, Seoul and Hong Kong, where I’d spend much of the last decade, were miles and miles behind. Geographically, I was closer to home than I’d been in years. Culturally I was so far away… Tweet

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PSA: Everything is Fine in South Korea, Mom

by Douglas Vautour April 21, 2013 Korea
Even the kids think he's a jerk.

Before you scream propaganda forced upon the youth of the South, take a look at this jazz. We've come a long way baby.

Editor’s note: This article has previously appeared on Douglas’s website–http://twokilosofbread.com/- To enjoy more of Douglas’s writing please have a look at his site. And that includes your mom. Mmm, mmm. As none of you may know, I live in Seoul. Sweet, blessed, soul-sucking Seoul. A city of four distinct seasons: cold, colder, fucking hot and humid, [...]

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Why Psy’s Image is not Good for South Korea

by Christopher Smith April 17, 2013 Culture
psy smoking

Recently, in the Guardian newspaper online, an article was written regarding the public faces of North and South Korea.  There is obviously no doubt who the public face of North Korea is, but also it doesn’t require a degree in rocket science to figure out who South Korea’s public face might be and it seems as [...]

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The Mass Media: Encouraging North Korea and Other Lunatics

by Christopher Smith April 11, 2013 Asia Life
CNN hologram

Since the warnings from North Korea for all foreigners to evacuate the South in case of a disastrous thermonuclear war and preparations to launch missiles, we have seen mass hysteria in the foreign community living in South Korea with thousands upon thousands quickly arranging flights, boats, canoes, and making rafts out of furniture.  Some have even [...]

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Enough With All the Anxiety About NK Already

by R.M. Adamson April 8, 2013 Stories from the Scene
walking-blurry-black-and-white

Editor’s note: This article has previously appeared on Robert’s website – http://bobstershouse.com/- To enjoy more of Robert’s writing and photography please have a look at his site. It’s happened before since I’ve been living here in Seoul, and I suspect that again in the future I will have to reassure the people back home that I’m [...]

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